I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
