god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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