why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
we're so committed to being not committed
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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