so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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