Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
