I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
