Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
