I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
