sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
