Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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