My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
