Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
