dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
