I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
