I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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