I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
