and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
