Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
