well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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