NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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