Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
