the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
