and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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