my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
