we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
