Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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