He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
