I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
