i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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