and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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