woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
