you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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