I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
