mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
