the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
