My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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