What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
