You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize