When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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