we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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