Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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