I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
