and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize