I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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