I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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