your room smells of hookers.
And success
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
