no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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