i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sober January is a disaster.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
