Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
