Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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