Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am naked and annoyed.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
