Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
