I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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