I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Piatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
