He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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