And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
