imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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