I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
