I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
