Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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