your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
