Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This house was built for laser tag.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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