put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
