I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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