I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My liver just had a heart attack.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
