Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
