So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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