Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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