Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
